Coaching – one of the most unpredictable trades in the world. Coaching – one of the “riskiest” jobs in the world for both the coach and the coachee. Coaching – one of the most fulfilling activities in the world.
I was speaking in the first part of this article about the need for clarity in deciding whether you want such a mission, and if the answer is yes, you need clarity in understanding the payer company) and coachee.
I have something else to say about the first part because I was at first naive to accept without any effort to take over the assignment. Understanding came with experience. Sometimes behind this request is hidden their top executives’ own helplessness accompanied by the pride of the final decision-maker. It’s hard to accept that he cannot or does not know. And one wants to escape quickly.
It happened, however, at least once that the decision maker needed the coach’s determination to stay with the decision-maker in this process of finding solutions. The question that opened this window of opportunity was:
- Suppose the program works well and the manager is “repaired,” which will make you different in relation to it?
After the usual blame games, I give a little help:
- It is clear to me that when the person does things the way you expect, you cannot act like you are with him now. You’re going to change something, maybe not something important, maybe not much, but something … What exactly?
Quiet. There was a lot of quiet in the office, only the noise of the street beyond the big windows is heard. Slightly hoarse, like,
- Well, I could … (and I could not stop him for about 10 minutes: he started to remember that it was not always like that, that he impressed him in certain situations, etc. – a lot of resources).
What was I witnessing? How the final decision maker builds bridges. And he followed:
- Does the person know all this? Did you tell them?
- He should have, right?
- Do you know what to do?
We broke up hitting success. There was no need for coaching services. The final decree took the step and regained a very good and valuable colleague. It does not happen all the time.
About quietness – it is so important to know how to keep your mouth shut when the one in front tries to get out of its own traps or just builds a solution. Peter Szabo, my career initiator, on one of my learning trips, told me:
- Before opening his mouth, counts to 10.
- And if I cannot help but start talking, what am I doing?
- You count once again.
Quietness is one of the most powerful techniques in coaching. It creates space, leaves room for clarification.
Now, after reviewing these things, you need to determine if you’re working with your coach alone, and together with the decision maker, you build a coaching relationship in three.
The last option is my favorite because the ones directly involved and interested in the success of the program relate to what is happening. There are 3 important moments in which you come across this formula:
- When establishing and agreeing on the objectives of the coaching program.
- Halfway through the program – to update the situation and eventual adjustments.
- Finally, to evaluate what worked and what needs to be done differently.
This type of interaction has a great impact on all parties involved and is one of the important professionals a-ha. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Another important element of the process is the three challenges that arise throughout the program. They are the result of observing and reflecting on what happens to coachee during coaching. The three challenges are:
- Agreeing on the WHAT. Establishing the objectives of the program. Sometimes, the so-called blind spot generates many false or non-intentional tracks. In addition, here is the trap of expectations, in the sense that an inexperienced coach tries him or her to say what to do.
- The discipline of the HOW. Especially because the most important part of coaching is what happens between sessions and in real interaction with others.
- The support from the OTHERS. In general, people work with categorizations to manage the information blast they are subjected to every day. So, whatever we change in our behavior can generate confusion (“you are, but you are not yourself, the one you are I know “) or even tension (” I do not like to manage with your new one, where is the other one? “). I know, because it happened to me when I was a coachee. Things are not set, so the role of the final decision maker in appreciating the steps already taken and the encouragement to continue is critical. You will be surprised of how much influence the final decision-maker can have, his behavior being slowly-slowly copied by other managers too.
Here we are at the end of this article in two parts. I hope it was useful, especially because we understand that we do not really “repair”, especially if the coachee does not want it. This journey is full of lessons. Some decision-makers even recognize this: they have learned new things about coaches and learned new things about them. That’s why coaching is so full of fulfillment. Made with respect for the people, you like to enjoy more and more what you do.